Shaking, sweating, and vomiting. Muscles cramps, insomnia, and mood swings. Oh joy!
As I lay here, exhausted and feeling like crap, I wonder why I decided to stop now. I can’t sleep or eat, and all I want to do is pass out. Instead I will once again suffer through the symptoms of opiate withdrawal so that I am not a pill junkie anymore.
Not a good idea to Google what your drug of choice does to your body
I know that I need to stop; I will have medical issues soon. My stomach rarely feels good, and I really cannot function well without Vicodin in my system, which is what is basically eating away my stomach. It really isn’t a good idea to Google what your drug of choice is doing to your body. You really want to stop using it because you know, in black and white, what it’s doing to you, but then you remember how great you feel on it.
Going through the symptoms more than once
And you really don’t want to go through these symptoms of opiate withdrawal more than once. Trust me on that. This makes time number 3 for me, and my fingers are crossed that it’s my last. It was not fun the first or second time, and definitely not this third time. Each time that I’ve gone through this, it was not easier than the previous time.
I know exactly what to expect at each phase of this process, and I know the real cure for all of these withdrawal symptoms. Can you guess what that might be? That’s right: using! Getting a handful of Vicodin, down the hatch. Swallowing them down into my belly and waiting for the magic to happen. At this point I may actually get a little high instead of just serving my body’s daily required dose of that special opiate, which I now hate.
It’s a love-hate relationship
I understand love-hate relationships now in a very new way. I love the way Vicodin makes me feel, but I hate what it is doing to my body, oh and my brain. I learned in rehab that your brain chemistry is majorly altered by opiates, and any substances really, and you will never get back to where you were before you started using. You can heal, and your brain chemistry can change again, but never back to that 100% potential you could have lived up to. You will never be quite the same as before, although all you can do is try.
Bottom line of all this is, I want to mark this as my statement for the record that I will do all that I can to make this the last time I experience these symptoms of opiate withdrawal. I hope that this love-hate relationship will evolve into a hate relationship so I can allow myself to love myself without the help of the drugs.
I can do this. Goodbye Vicodin, and goodbye to all opiates for good!
Kate Green provides dialog of other people’s experiences to inspire those that struggle against drug and alcohol problems. You can learn more about the works that she does for Balboa Horizons Treatment Services as a quality improvement manager.
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- Why Methadone Was Not An Option… For Me (lifeatfullthrottle.com)