One of the most drastic transitions couples make when they are first married is the sheer volume of time now spent with someone else. Many of the activities and times of the day that were formerly spent by yourself are now shared with another. Although this is predominantly a pleasant change, it can also be hard to adjust at times.
In particular, individuals are often not accustomed to spending excess relaxation or ‘down time’ with their new significant other. During the dating phase, most time was spent ‘doing something’, for lack of a better phrase. Even if it wasn’t a formal date, you’d get together and there would be something to do: a meal to prepare and eat, friends to meet up with, or even a movie to watch. However, at the end of the time spent together, you’d ultimately retire separately, typically to a different home or space.
For those individuals and couples of the more extraverted persona, this might seem like a non-issue. However, for the half of the world’s population that requires their own space and time to recharge their batteries, this can be a legitimate problem. Regardless if this is being read by an introvert who is learning to have such a close companion, or simply a new spouse that is getting used to incorporating their significant other into their everyday lives, here are three tips:
There is nothing wrong with needing to take time for yourself
There are many who, in the earlier stages of life, recognize their personal need for solo time and space. Others however, do not realize that need within themselves until it is gone; and honeymoons often have a way of doing that. When this happens, it is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with this. Needing time to yourself is an entirely different phenomenon than not wanting to spend time with your partner. For those who need this time: take it. When communicating, just be sure to differentiate between the two so the partner doesn’t feel hurt or left out.
Just because you’ve always done something a certain way doesn’t make that better than an alternative
Habits and ‘ways of doing things’ are another aspect of life often unrecognized until they clash with another’s. Most wedding vows include something to the effect of ‘creating a new life together’, and that particular vow needs to be recalled readily for those who are figuring how to operate their daily lives together. Number one rule: Don’t shoot down an idea because it sounds different, strange, or frankly isn’t how you do things.
Trying to impress your spouse is a habit that needs to go. Be yourself, but be your best self.
If the underlying attitude of trying to ‘win over’ or impress your partner hasn’t been eliminated yet, it needs to be. One of the most unhealthy patterns that are often brought into new marriages is still carrying the mindset that love, commitment, or admiration from one’s romantic partner needs to somehow be earned or proven. If this applies to you, do yourself and your partner a favor and jettison the need to impress. Replace it with wanting to do things that make your significant other feel special, taken care of, and uniquely loved. Great joy and stability will come from this paradigm shift.
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Written by Clif, freelance writer for The Hermosa Inn. Common writing topics include psychology, philosophy, and close relationships.
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